Today was a particularly stressful day, so this blog entry may reflect the dreary weather that is gracing Fresno, California.
I woke up this morning feeling extremely stressed out. I got plenty of sleep last night (10 hours!!!!) which is actually very rare for me, and I have stayed on top of my homework, but something just felt off today. We all have those days.
At the moment, my brain is this box with holes in it. I keep trying to cram thoughts, responsibilities, and activities into the box. For the most part, everything stays in the box. But some things slip through the holes and are forgotten, only to return back into my memory when it is either crucial or too late. I honestly don’t know what I would do without my calendar.
I describe my daily schedule as busy. 7 classes, 2 internships, one part time job, and one weekly volunteering gig. Some days, I feel oddly free with minimal responsibilities which only makes my mentality anxious. Other days I am completely swamped all at once and I just want the day to be over. I LIVE for the weekends.
The last semester of college is full of uncertainty. I find myself describing this time in my life as a themed period of doubt and confusion. Here’s the thing though, everyone is feeling it. When I am sitting in class, there is a very good chance that others are in my same exact position. I recently read an article on common words of advice for college seniors, and it was littered with phrases like “Stay busy” and “Prepare for the job market early”. The article had good intentions, but it left me with a blank stare and the urge to yell “Well, duh!” at my laptop. I know that I should stay busy, that’s why I’m doing it; I know that I should be preparing for the job market, that’s why I spend my weekends trolling my own LinkedIn account.
I’m looking for answers. I want some kind of validation that once this semester is over, I will be content or at least accepting of the direction that I am going in.
The day’s dreariness was felt all over campus today. Classroom doors are already plastered with fliers about midterm study sessions and one of my professors even made note of my class’ uncharacteristically low exam scores. It’s slump season and I know I’m not the only one feeling it.