March 12, 2016

Tomorrow is the last day of spring break.  I’m only human, so a big part of me wants to stay at home and continue to watch Netflix as rain creates a calming atmosphere.  But there is a part of me that is excited to go back.  I want to immerse myself back into the crazy schedule that is my life at school.  I want to stay busy because honestly, all of my responsibilities take my mind off of the stress I’ve been feeling lately.  The stress has sort of heightened while I’ve been home.

I have been staying in my old bedroom for the past week.  I could feel myself lapsing into my former self, my childhood self.  I even spent the week watching every single Harry Potter movie (totally worth it).  My childhood self was very introverted, and for the past couple of weeks I could feel myself becoming more and more introverted than I usually am.  Being home really maximized this part of myself, and I also just wanted to escape all of the questions that having been filling my head lately.

Questions seem to be the theme of my life this semester.  Not one specific question, but many in general.  Questions about my social circle, questions about my academics, questions about my relationship, questions about my career path.  I get asked questions every day by my friends and family.  I find it exhausting because the questions that are most frequently asked are the ones I don’t want to answer.  No, I don’t know when I want to get married; No, I don’t have a job in mind for after graduation.

Returning to school will help me temporarily run from the questions.  The questions will turn into exams and quizzes.  I will be required to use logic and memory rather than major decision making.  But there are only a few short weeks left in the semester, and classes will be over.  The questions will still be there.  And there will always be questions, this isn’t just a temporary phase.